January 1. Pick your birth month. 2. Strike out anything that doesn't apply to you. 3. Bold the shit that most applies to you. 4. Put your month in an entry. 5. Copy to your own journal, with all months under a journal cut.
JANUARY: Stubborn and hard-hearted. Ambitious and serious. Loves to teach and be taught. Always looking at people's flaws and weaknesses. Likes to criticize. Hardworking and productive. Smart, neat and organized. Sensitive and has deep thoughts. Knows how to make others happy. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Rather reserved. Highlyattentive. Resistant to illnesses but prone to colds. Romantic but has difficulties expressing love. Loves children. Loyal. Has great social abilities yet easily jealous. Very stubborn and money cautious.
This journal has gotten fairly personal, so I have locked it. But feel free to comment here if you would like to be added to the friends list. If we have something in common/interests, etc... I will usually add you. You can then access most of my entries. Welcome.
I had a DVD marathon today, so I figured, if I had time to do that today - there was still some time left to update LJ later tonight. What kind of DVD marathon? Horror. What else? lol My favorite type of movie.
I saw some good ones including re-watching the classic (original) Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I also watched Vacancy (very good), Gravedancers (ok, I suppose - but nothing special), Dead Silence (somewhat good), and The Abandoned (an absolutely terrible film). I also watched Blood and Chocolate (Agnes Bruckner was good in this one, generally speaking and the film was ok, except I couldn't stand the guy, Aiden, that we were suppose to root for. He turned Vivian into a selfish and disloyal little bitch, so I ended up rooting for the bad guys. lol). I watched Premonition last week and thought it was a good film. I would have liked the ending to have been a little different, however, it was bit better with the alternate ending on the DVD. Last week I also watched The Last Gift. Drew Fuller and Abigail Breslin were absolutely adorable in it.
I am in my last year at university. A new semester began on August 22nd. The summer seemed to fly by way too fast. And I am sure I am not the only one who feels that way. My classes this semester are: Business Finance, Management Information Systems, Management and Organizational Behavior, Fitness, a Fitness lab, and International Business.
Yeah, with classes like these... sometimes I miss my years of English and Journalism ;) Just kidding...kind of.
This past week - as some of you know, was the 2 year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. I was invited as the guest of honor at a Hurricane Katrina: Two Years Later anniversary event. I was on a panel and had to answer questions and was featured in the news as well as some of my written account of my survival experience, in the newspaper. Some of it was read at the event, as well. All in all, I felt obligated to go, but it was nice and I feel they did justice and honor to the tragedy. Though, I tend to rather want to forget bad experiences and I usually put it in as far back of my mind on a daily basis as I can. However, it was neccesary and I met some wonderful people, so it was a good event, nonetheless.
Last, but certainly not least...I hope everyone on my list is doing great and I promise to try to stop in and catch up with as many of you as I can, as soon as I can.
In honor of Hurricane Katrina's 2 year anniversary today - I am posting a vid I had created. I know I haven't posted in forever. Hopefully, I will get a few moments to update later this week. Take care.
In the spirit of Post Secret, let's bring this to LJ.
*Post an anonymous secret here.
For example: Do you have a secret wish/desire/dream/nightmare? Do you secretly love/hate/admire someone? Do you secretly want to do/not do something? Do you have a secret side to you? Is there something that other people don't know about you? Whatever the case may - your secret can be either big or small. Either deep and dark or just silly. Whatever. The point is - it has to be true and a secret.
Copy this to your own LJ and see how many anonymous secrets get divulged to you!
Graham Greene once referred to a chip of ice that has to be in the writer’s heart. And that is the strain: that you must abstain from relationships and yet at the same time engage in them. There you have, I think, the real metaphysical relationship between the writer and the spy.
Just a quick note to say thank you to the anonymous person who sent me the virtual black rose gift & to scarlite for the ripped-out heart. LOL
And magdalena_meri , I've spread the zombie love to others, just so you know. haha
The best known celebration/festival during late December is Christmas, however it is only a relatively recent addition to the list of winter holidays. The date of Christmas was set by the Roman Emperor during the 4th century, so that Christmas would coincide with the original winter holidays such as the Winter Solstice/Yule. "There are great similarities to the "Birth of the Son" and the "Rebirth of the Sun" beyond the obvious similarity of words."
Festivals of the Winter Solstice have ancient origins. The ancient Egyptians, Babylonians and Persians had renewal festivals during this period, as did the Romans and other European cultures: the Roman Saturnalia, the Norse and Germanic Yule and the Celtic festivals. Winter Solstice festivals were not limited to Europe either. Among these are the Pakistani Chaomas, the Tibetan Dosmoche, the Chinese Dong Zhi and the Japanese Hari Kuyo. Native North Americans also held solstice rituals. These all predate the introduction of Christianity to their region and many of these rituals and festivals were later incorporated into Christmas observances such as mistletoe and holly.
At the root of all these celebrations and rituals is the battle between Light and Dark. The battle reaches a turning point on the Winter Solstice as the advances of Darkness are halted and the tide turns for the forces of Light. Light returns to drive the gloom away and to raise our spirits.
The day of the Winter Solstice marks the beginning of a new Solar Year. Let us rejoice and again turn our eyes upward to greet the new dawning.
I wanted to say thank you to tragic1 for the lovely holiday card. Hope you are doing well :) You can email me sometime: jlyonne@mymail.indstate.edu I would email you, but when I changed email servers, I lost all the email contacts.
And thank you to londongirl27 for the sweet, amusing e-card! :D
There are so many thousands of crows descended upon this town. It's really rather beautiful in a darkly aesthetic way. Particularly at dusk the sky is filled with them. I know it's quite an epidemic of sorts, which is unfortunate, but they do make a lovely sight with their masses darkening the sky.
"To feel most beautifully alive means to be reading something beautiful, ready always to apprehend in the flow of language the sudden flash of poetry." - Gaston Bachelard
"The failure to read good books both enfeebles the vision and strengthens our most fatal tendency --- the belief that the here and now is all there is . " - Allan Bloom
"A good heavy book holds you down. It's an anchor that keeps you from getting up and having another gin and tonic." - Roy Blount Jr.
A total wtf moment last night... I heard a commotion outside. Come to find out it looked like Night of the Living Dead chaos... with trick or treating! These people here must be serious about getting their candy. I mean, really. I saw one woman driving a car with 3 or 4 kids in the car. She screamed at the kids to get out and it couldn't have been a couple moments later. Then she screamed at the kids to get back in the car, yelling "We've got ground to cover. We're not stopping until the cars full! NOW MOVE IT!" She squealed tires leaving and while she was starting to drive off, one kid was still not fully in the car and did not have the door closed. She almost dragged him behind.
Then I saw teenagers running up and down the streets - some were stealing candy from smaller kids, while others were trick or treating themselves. It was crazy. I haven't trick-or-treated in ages, but I wonder if everyone is so serious about it now? Maybe this is normal behaviour? It seems strange to me.
Silver and red entwined in a passive-aggressive mechanical dance The jagged silver cuts and the red is falling, falling, falling Oh Demetrius do I even have a descending chance Like the flesh craving the sting of the blade, I am calling You’re so enticing with an irregular edge and hazardous allure Like a suicide junkie I am addicted to your incision Nothing about this except our bloody union is pure No, no, I don’t have to make an unrealistic decision Because with you I’ll always have to be, to your edge I am craven Craven and anxious I may be but you are mine My razor blade haven The blade, the flesh and the blood are one and trine A delicious hurt you evoke and my plasma is the flood Sanctuary, my sanctuary, my hurtful beautiful shrine The fruits of our union may ever only be the blood But I am addicted to you, you are mine, you are mine You are my razor blade haven Mine..... Mine....... Mine. My razor blade haven
(c) me, 2004
*author's note: This piece has a double meaning and is meant to be interpreted as the reader wishes OR to view it for both meanings. One interpretation, the literal is about cutting or self-destructive tendencies or suicide, the other is talking about a person and an unhealthy - sort of twisted or destructive relationship between two people. One looks up to the other in a sort of worship, 'putting them on the pedestal' or idealization. A sort of compulsion and/or obsession is prevalent with either interpretation.
On the roadtrip back to New Orleans, needless to say... it was difficult returning. I was glad to see that most of the French Quarter and much of the Business District of New Orleans was largely back to normal for the most part, anyway. I am sure it will make tourists happy. It makes me happy as well. And it almost seemed normal. Almost like a great tragedy and devastation had never happened. Almost. But then I went to the Lakeview area and there was just tons of damage and onward to New Orleans East side and the damage was massive. The area is almost a ghost town. As far as the eye can see there is huge amounts of damage. No structure is unscathed. And many are majorly damaged. It was so hard to see everything I knew, so very different. *sigh* But to look on the bright side - the French Quarter, parts of Uptown and the Business District is up and running for the most part.
I then had to deal with the highrise apartment where I lived being under new management and ownership. This was a bad thing. Many residents and former residents of NOLA are having to deal with landlord issues. Their belongings being stolen and/or thrown out on the street and their apartments and houses rented out from under them (the ones that weren't destroyed, that is) and all of this being allowed. Obviously, I had to deal with this as well. Basically when the highrise was bought out - the new owners took it upon themselves to steal everyone's belongings and then claim they didn't know what happened. Unfortunately, countless dollars worth of my stuff was stolen. I then had an appointment to go into my storage site across town, where I had many more belongings. Thankfully, since my storage was on the second floor - I didn't have damage to everything. I hired 5 workers to go into the building wearing hazmat suits due to toxicity and recover my stuff. So the upside is, most of this was fine.
To be honest, though, stuff is stuff. I may have been 'spoiled' growing up - or many would think so. Sometimes I still am. But material things don't make people happy - at least not for the long run. And I would give anything to turn back time. I would give anything for the catastrophe not to have happened. I would give anything to have my New Orleans back the way it was. That's not going to happen - but I have to think that things happen for a reason. Most things anyway, maybe even this. But does that make me any less bitter about the countless things that have happened in my life - this just the last on top of it all? Probably not. But catastrophes and tragedies can't be controlled for the most part, however... other things in life can be.
It was sad when I left New Orleans again and headed back to Texas, but I had to keep movin on.
I start back classes tomorrow - well, technically today. I am taking Legal, Ethical and Environmental Business Law, Marketing, Management, Macroeconomics and Business Presentations & Communcation.
I am just about to leave for New Orleans. I am going back for the first time since a week after the hurricane. I should be back in San Antonio sometime Friday. *sigh* This is going to be difficult...
If people bring so much courage to this world, then the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one and afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry.
I sit now in a quiet room, music streaming softly. Moonlight shines in from a crack in the window. It is my quiet time, a time for reflection and insight into my own heart and mind. I sit this way as I often have in the past, drifting into thoughts as images sweep my mind.
I was born in New Mexico in the winter of nineteen eighty-two in a city not so far from Roswell. My sister Amanda was barely a year old. Looking back now, I wonder what it would have been like if my parents had taken me home and raised me alongside my sister. It would seem such a simple thing, really. Isn’t that a normal step in the standard order of family operations.
However, it happened in no such way. I grew up with my grandmother, and had a childhood far from idealistic. I knew very few family members. And those that I did know, lived very far away.
I do not believe I knew the meaning of family, since I was not accustomed to it. I never knew what it was like to have a great big Sunday dinner or a family reunion. Nor did I know what it was like to have a gathering over for Christmas day. Conversing, sharing memories, opening vivid packages of presents, everything sparkling and brilliant, like a fairyland in a little child’s dreams. Yet, that is what they were; just dreams. Still I never truly understood the meaning of family and how it was to be appreciated.
I appreciate family more than I ever could have imagined. Not having a real family kept me from being appreciative. I could not truly appreciate what I did not know and did not have.
And even though I do not know her, it is my sister that I appreciate the most. She is the only full sibling I will ever have. And she is out there somewhere. It seems strange to think about it. It is not a natural thing, to be apart from one’s own family.
I hold an image in my mind of two little girls, age three and four. Full tiny gowns trimmed with lace. The eldest is dressed in blue and the other in pink. Bright pastel colors of the lightest, yet vivid carnations one could conjure an image of. Those little girls were my sister and I.
One short span in our lives for a matter of a few months, my sister and I lived together. We did not know each other, but for that short time. My sister was adopted not long after that and I never saw her again.
I could not truly appreciate family then. I did not understand. But now I see. When I think of my sister I conjure up an image of those two little girls. And now I wonder. We share blood, but what else?
A thousand questions run through my head as I think of her to this day. Does she have green eyes too? Is she tall as I am? How was her childhood? Does she still look a great deal like our mother? Does she ever think of me and wonder?
And my biggest question is: does she appreciate me as I do her? Maybe neither of us could appreciate our ties before. But now, does she understand too? I long to meet her one day and ask her these questions. I want to show her that I understand now, and that I appreciate her.
I look now at her faded photograph, like a child carved in stone, it remains still and it haunts. I know this to be true. Perhaps I never knew I would. But my sister is the person I appreciate most of all, because we are blood, because we are so close in age, because we are family, because we are sisters. We are sisters. And I appreciate that.
the weight from the years bears heavy on elegant shoulders a mask to hide the tears pain filed in countless folders lock away the child lost push through another day not knowing her one great cost and sometimes she almost flies away the crown lies unbroken all that glitters... a deceptive token from a life and heart littered with half-forgotten memories and fears but her ambition keeps her floating polished and pretty, the figure in the mirrors all the while the past is raging
while appearances are deceptions like those she gives away but sometimes she screams so hard inside and in the cold she will lay down into the abyss she resides liquor numbs the worst for a time it doesn't matter for a time she forgets she's cursed
ever alone, ever controlled she bears her fate in splendor living and all the lies she's told she will never surrender will all the pain away ripped apart by her rage her hate confronts the day heart in a razor blade cage
the blood tears down no one hears the sound friends betrayal all around
as she sleeps hair splayed ' round, looking like a little girl but into the night she won't find peace fading into another world love is all she really wanted reminds her of when she was a child in her nightmares her hell is confronted a fallen angel, wild
with darkness on all sides in between she hides
delirium threatens, pulling from somewhere far away all the goodness and the light - slowly fades away like the day ...and she is weary of her fight
who can see -- if they could behind the blue-green eyes what could be different -- if it would but she will reign even if light dies always all alone - misunderstood she wears the tarnished crown inside she dies - if she could but she will stand... while they drown
Today I picked up the special Katrina issue of National Geographic Explorer and it was very moving. And very interesting. Most of it I already knew anyway, but it was informative for many nonetheless. It brings back me standing in the midst of all the chaos and disaster all around me. Death, disease, bodies - like the apocalypse. I know that many great cities have fallen. It was like ancient Troy or Babylon. Very surreal. And standing in the midst of it all - I was in awe. Not in a good way for the most part, but I couldn't cry or feel the pain of it all. I was apart --slightly. And a lot of it probably hasn't even really sunk in yet. I talked to people afterwards that were in somewhat of the same situations, and they said it was like they were in a dream. And it is sometimes. Like none of it was really real or had happened. A dream. A bad dream. And like living life now is like dream walking. Not quite real. It's hard to explain - unless to others that was right in the heart of it all.
A couple quotes from the National Geographic issue:( Read more... )
Well, but I went shopping today. That always helps a girl for a while ;) haha
It's getting a little bit cooler and I love that. Autumn is my favorite time of year. I don't know what I will do for Halloween - maybe go to a haunted attraction here called "Nightmare on Grayson St."
Hope everyone is doing well!
The Darkest Star lyrics after the cut( Read more... )
We're damaged people Drawn together By subtleties that we are not aware of Disturbed souls Playing out forever These games that we once thought we would be scared of
I am in the city of San Antonio, Texas --where I have been in a hotel suite for more than a month now. I am in limbo - some days it seems like purgatory. But mostly I'm just a little lost. I suppose I will find my way eventually. After all like I told a friend - Sometimes we find ourselves on a different path then we expected, but in the end we will all end up in the place that we were meant to be.
The hill country here in the south of Texas is rather pretty. But I miss the near tropical New Orleans: the beauty, the history, the rain, the sultriness, the indomitable spirit (and spirits), the palapable breath of the city. I even miss the urban grunginess. As with anyone or anything... I take the bad with the good. It's just simply that -- I still miss my home almost every day - every day that I have not had nightmares that is. My being haunted I guess is an obvious consequence of it all and one in which I hope will wear off eventually. It's nothing new.
People have offered help - even strangers, mostly strangers and friends. I appreciate the gesture so much and am actually quite surprised by it. But I have a real problem with not just simply asking for help (I almost *never* do it) - but also in accepting an offer of help in any way. I just can't accept anything from people. It used to be because I wasn't use to being helped, but I was instead the one who gave and helped others. But now, I don't know what it is - but it's maybe partly pride, but that's not all. It's just really hard for me to I guess admit I need help from another human being, but more so to actually accept it. I am accustomed to standing tall on my own.
When I was in New Orleans during and after the Katrina debacle, one of the worst things was the waiting - the damned drawn out days on end and hours on end *waiting* for something, someone. Just waiting. And I've always said patience is not one of my virtues. It's one of my worst pet peeves in the world - to be kept waiting. I just can't stand it. Obviously it was to the hundred fold in N.O. and in a very real sense I am still waiting.
I have a new laptop in which I utilize among other things, to take online classes from my university of New Orleans, since I can't get back there in person right now. Even through everything I still always have to be goal oriented, but that is how I am. It not only helps to take my mind off of things - but it's a necessity for me. If I don't feel like I am accomplishing something or driving towards something then I am not happy at all.
I was offered tuition at 7 different schools ranging from Stanford (no joke) to UCLA, but I don't want to be a visiting student anywhere right now. I just want to stay on track and get through this semester. Speaking of semester, it just started this week - so therefore it is a very crammed together version of a semester that has to be done in half the time. I am taking pretty much the same as I was taking before this disaster swept through my life: Entrepreneurship Business Application Software Contemporary Biology MicroEconomics
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
limbo
1. The abode of unbaptized but innocent or righteous souls, as those of infants or virtuous individuals who lived before the coming of Christ. 2. A region or condition of oblivion or neglect. 3. A state or place of confinement. 4. An intermediate place or state.
Hi. I literally just have a moment, but I wanted to leave some kind of signal that I am alive. heh
Well it's been a major adventure (not in a good way) and quite a tragedy as many know about the circumstances of New Orleans and what happened during and after Katrina. I will write a long thread about my experiences and other updates at a future date sometime. I am currently in San Antonio, TX.
Thank you for your well wishes
lexslave *hugs* , sweety167 and others. It means a lot especially at a time like this.
I am on my last week of classes and next week is finals. I can't wait for it to be over with. It has seemed to have consequently flown by fast and yet slow, at times.
I am in such a totally different place from where I was more than a year ago and back a couple years... not just physically speaking in location but in state of mind. Many things are different, some remains the same. Though it's surprising how much has actually changed. It's amazing how I look at some of my writings now (actually almost all of them now) written a year or more ago and I can not even relate anymore. It's like a faded photograph or a letter that you stumble upon in the back of a drawer or like some secret place you touch upon in your heart once in a blue moon. Seeing it or reading it touches something within you, if just for an instance --- nostalgia, depending on the subject either a flicker of pain and regret or bittersweet remembrance. That's all it is now. That's how so much of my past life is. Past. Faded. Tastes of bitterness with hints of sweetness.
But I'm not sad about it. At least not at the moment. Of course there will always be pain over my past in general but on some things (and people) I am past it. Afterall, no use dwelling in the past or having regrets. I look ever onward to the future and what I still can change as it comes. Or at least I like to think I have that control in part.
Just a couple shout outs:
Travis --- you're going back abroad next week - but keep in touch, babe. you're glorious. never change.
Amy --- hope you are having fun back home. Sounds like it. lol leave a note here when you get back.
Okay, now on to some more Top Ten...
My Top 10 Good Traits (and/or Strengths) --- no particular order); heightened intuition intelligence open-minded virtue curiousity strength of will & mind empathic great listener/person to go to for advice creativity my loyalty
Negative Traits (though depends on perception/circumstance): impatient impatient x2 keep things bottled up willful can be stubborn temper can be cynical smart ass at times seeming aloofness cautious to the point of untrusting at times
Author's note: There are 2 meanings: south of heaven, north of hell refers to Earth and a more literal location. Also, south of heaven, north of hell refers metaphorically to a particular state of mind and soul at a particular point in time.
So it's been a long time since I last wrote an entry. I've been busy, busy, not inclined or in the mood to write lately .. oh, and ... busy.
It is my favorite time of year. Autumn is glorious and I am an Autumn type person. Hovering somewhere between winter and autumn with a dash of springtime light now and again. Halloween and New Years are my favorite holidays so Halloween is approaching. I'm supposed to host a block party on Oct. 30th from midnight on. We'll see.
I purchased a new computer. A silver and black to match my black and glass and ultra modern decor and I also purchased a silver and black desk and bookshelf and accessories.
I'm working nights part time until I move to New Orleans in January to begin at Univ. of New Orleans. I can't wait for a fresh start. Just what I need. And will I make up a new backstory or keep it fairly veiled? I don't know. But I am going to relish this newness and autonomy.
Well, this is faintly short and sweet. More later. I will part with a writing I composed in a fairly dizzying state a few weeks ago.
Silver and Silent
"and so i bleed and suffer agony upon agony in this silver drenched escape. and i am silent. while within me it rages."
The horse is coming To take me away from you The death of our autumn fairyland That could have been I just looked at the wall, And wondered How long christmas had been over Well, it hasn’t even come I feel vague and obscure sometimes Time is a strange thing Fall is full upon us And I want to live in this autumn world Forever, forever and forever I could look at the world Through these eyes And see your face always there- The backdrop of the light These days go on And sometimes I can’t focus Other times I will find I’ve been, Reading all day long Or working mind-numbingly Sometimes I’ll awaken in the moment Laughing amidst supposed fun Apart from the truth in those moments Strange. I wish I was not here Anywhere but here How can I regret Having met you? It was always a strange thing, Knowing you And it didn’t end as it should have I never told you how it was How I feel, how when I’m around you- You make me real A thousand words, a thousand lonely skies Between that autumn and this How many more will there be? And still, we go on In our own little bubbles And you won’t let me in, Although I’ve seen through to your door Time and again And it both amazes and scares me I’m frightened for autumn to fade It always seemed to be the right time for us All of our autumns are going by And still you do not know I’m crushed and I’m left with the knowing This is worse than anything I alone know and what a lonely secret world it is Our last chance for our autumn world Is fading... as is the day
Don't let the sun come up I don't want this night to end I'm afraid things are changing Searching the stars for answers My soul, a spark in the universe Wondering at my cosmic destiny
Breathing in
Breathing out
Letting go
Letting out
Insatiably, undeniably This force is killing me I keep falling My strength won't let me hit the ground Never defeated, never undone Can't lose my head over this Wishing my heart Would take a vacation Well I don't care what they think If ever they thought And I, I don't care If the sun never again awoke Your smile would light up my world But I'm just a teardrop In the soul of the world Change me to crystal So that I may shine But never again feel
Well, change me into crystal So that I may be there forever Forever and a day Insatiably, undeniably I'm feeling this Oh, to be crystal So that I may shine And never again feel
where do I fit . in the pantheon of your gods . what cord binds you . to the excesses of your worship . steel and fears . and all I have to give . is a silken cord . made of purity and love . dreams and innocence . and I don't want to bind you . and I don't want to tell you . well, you're the prince of my gods .
I've learned a lot of things In my 20 years of life Talking like I'm ancient Wouldn't you believe? But isn't that the way With old souls livin high I've learned a few things about life I've learned a few things about love I've learned a few things about people And maybe I've learned, A whole lot more than that But these stand out the most Like dreams against the night They make the best impression The one's built to last I've learned that beauty Can be only skin deep Yet I've found, that true beauty Is the shining of the soul I've learned that no matter- How many peoples around you You can be all but lonely inside If you shoot for the moon, I think The lowest you can fall- Is into the stars Blood is thicker than water But spiritual connection- a 'soul affair' is stronger than all I don't fear death When he comes for me I'll bow out gracefully Empty people, empty hearts Plastic relationships fall apart I've learned that words on paper Carry more power and truth Than all the things you can't say My faith's been renewed When I look into the eyes of one I can't fathom God- Not having a part in their creation I've learned to be true to myself Maybe I pretend, Maybe I hide- Secrets and truths But I know who I am- Even if no one else does I've learned I'll always be different But I've learned that's not a bad thing I appreciate precious moments in time A few here and there Because I've learned We're never guaranteed an extra one I've learned to embrace nature And can find some beauty in everything I've learned that eyes, Really are the colored windows to the soul I've learned you can't rush destiny No matter how hard you fight- There's a time for everything, Under the sun I've learned people, Can be cruel and petty and selfish But they just make a rare individual Stand out among the rest I've learned that love is blind But true love isn't- You see all, The flaws and the strengths But accept it all unconditionally I've learned many things But one of the most important- Is to be happy Be with who you want Live for the moment And never stop striving for your dreams Because we're never guaranteed Another moment So in the words of a legend, "dream as if you'll live forever- live as if you'll die today."
no matter how far i go i always carry a part of indiana memories of a deep green forest with ancient trees flowers as beautiful as love the legends and the heritage a rustic old barn chill indiana nights a field of wildflowers the dreams, the potential of a life just started everything was wide, all was huge hope was abundant for a child with such sweet dreams looking back it's these bittersweet impressions, that last it's in my blood i long to visit again one day but so much has been lost nothing is the same now i know- that true love and change are the only constants a desert woman, maybe i was born far to the west but this land- is what left the impressions i think, when i have children someday i will nurture the hope within them and never let them give up on their dreams i have never given up on dreaming they've just taken different forms there is a time for every purpose under the sun and in some ways my life has just begun maybe... something has just begun the impressions of people, place and things- within others is the immortality here's to the immortality of indiana and those I've loved and lost
the terrible beauty of your face does not betray the ravages of your soul that you hide behind eternal grace the darkness has taken it's toll one way or another it would claim it's prize so bad for us that the prize is your heart the light has died to a tiny size the players have almost finished their part in the macabre play of your life
you thought i was just like you yet i told you i could never be but i followed you as we both were swept- into the spotlight seduction of darkness' most beautiful night
sunrise is soon upon us now tell me, who will die with it we will take our final bow with sadness full of grace we will quit
catch the blood rose of praise a symbol from the darkness that we have played our part well all these days accept it with sadness full of grace
you are beautiful, sadness behind grace you have loved me well with sadness and grace you have lived always sad and full of grace and now i must cry those tears i have hidden behind my own silent graceful sadness
when the sun bursts into the night- that we have learned to call home and when it destroys all in it's sight will our tragedy be locked in a tome
forgive me for crying these tears which bear your essence i have acted out of character just this once i was to have masqueraded always and forever but it matters none now, for our play is ended
i cry tears for you now, my beloved the red of them blends well with the apocalypse a red glow is rising just beyond the horizon my beloved, i feel faint now my beloved, will i see you die now
kiss once more the agony of our existence the audience wears masks of horror and the world is spinning as the night is dying i reach for you but you have fallen
into flames of oblivion everyone goes almost dancing, with grace- always with grace you move about with the flames around you now and you die with sadness full of grace
i am left here mourning the end of our play but i shall endure, live, watch and breathe with the heavy agony of sadness which you bore beneath your visage of silent grace because i see i am just like you and i will remember you... with sadness full of grace
He came into town A vision of distress, That no one else saw A wild one in his own wilderness They see what they can have They see what he can do They want a piece of his soul They take it as they take everything else They offer him themselves But there's nothing there to have He takes, but is left empty They're just fuel for the fire The fire of his life and spirit But it burns out so fast He has it all- But why does he feel at times That he has nothing? Uncertainty lies in his heart Unhappiness dormant but ever present What's this life for Fast and furious he lives I wish he knew the truth If only he could feel its beauty He doesn't know, he doesn't know I do.
I’m alone Sitting with a shattered glass Dreams remembered, I condoned Feeling a tripped up past Down in me Crawling round and up Technicolor images I see Dancing ‘round the rim of a cup Verdant daisies in a field Blood red moon Little blue shield Covering the messed up gloom Neon green, petal pink Dotted stars round and round Glasses clink and clink The only sound Neon green in the eyes Backdrop to sanity Long live your signs Holder of humanity
i believe in the wind that strokes my hair i feel the taste of freedom as it dances through my hair and caresses my cheek seeing a bird fly lifts my spirits to live and die in such freedom- is the ultimate power of the air it symbolizes freedom ...i believe in freedom
i believe in the earth i kiss the ground beneath my feet a tribute to our mother our evolution from the earth- long ago we were born of her a symbol of beginnings and constancy ...i believe
i believe in the waters when it rains from the skies or falls through my hands or stands in a huge pool- from one continent to the other the beauty of change beauty of eternity one and both, it symbolizes ...i believe in eternity
i believe in fire raging bonfires on the earth or a single flame contained in a candle passion and fierceness beautiful and dangerous it symbolizes the passion that rages in my soul ...i believe in passion
in a world of questions and uncertainties i can have pure faith in that which i can touch and gaze upon with my own eyes i believe in the beauty of freedom in the certainty of my beginnings in the inevitability of change in the power of passion
I'm caught in a secret forest Weed tangles, rivers and flowers wild Deep inside sings a chorus Earthen brown light, strange and mild Blankets of sweet honey strands A voice of beauty from somewhere above Far off a glimpse of perfect hands In a river will I drown in love? Vines choke back secrets and fears Fears all hidden beneath the earth What lies beneath the mirrors I want to caress into rebirth I struggle to enter the castle on the hill Its doors are locked against me But I feel its beauty still I have glimpses others can not see Such complexities within the forest The castle as a soul I make progress like a tortoise But then I'm pushed back into a hole With longing I am beseeched I cry and inside I die For the walls can not be breeched I must climb but how high? I am shaken deep within By the knowledge I hide For I have only one sin I am lost in the world inside Waiting for the locks to unlock Waiting for my bearer of light Of the castle, cherishing every block From afar an amazing sight There, he stands in the backdrop As always a veritable angyl wylde I want to run to him - but me he would stop Still radiating sunshine with his smiles "light bearer, my light bearer" my source of celestial light thy blending of human and divine your will to fight against life and my heart will you never love me too
and never need me in your sight? Oh I am hopelessly Caught in the forest Painfully and joyously The forest that is you
[2002]
note: * the castle refers to a soul and the forest to the physical aspects of the person written about.
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
magdalena_01's journal
